You've heard how my characters get through the worst of it. This is how you get through a real winter.

The Captain's Hard Winter Handbook

38 fixes for frozen pipes, cold rooms, dead power and empty pantries, in large print. Every one comes with its source: the Red Cross, the CDC, the Weather Service, Ready.gov. And I read the whole thing to you, if you'd rather listen.

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Hear a minute of it, read by me:

The Captain's Hard Winter Handbook cover

Things most folks never hear

None of this is complicated. It's just scattered across a dozen government websites. Here it is in one place, in big print. A few of the fixes inside:

Leave the outside spigot OPEN in winter. Close the valve inside the house, then open the one outside, so the leftover water has room to expand instead of splitting the pipe.American Red Cross

A quarter inch of newspaper protects a pipe. Where hard freezes are rare, wrapping exposed pipes in newspaper gives real protection.American Red Cross

Hard cheese and butter survive a blackout. So do peanut butter, uncut fruit and bread. Eggs, milk and leftovers don't. The book has the whole keep-or-toss list.FoodSafety.gov / USDA

You can get hypothermia above 40°F. Rain, sweat or a cold soak is enough, and the cold clouds the very judgment you'd need to notice it.CDC

Never thaw a frozen pipe with a torch. A hair dryer, a heating pad or hot towels, with the faucet left open. The book walks you through it step by step.American Red Cross

Why it's worth an evening

Most winter trouble isn't the snow. It's the little heater by the bed, the generator in the garage, the pipe behind the washing machine, and the fridge full of food nobody knew whether to keep. These numbers come from the agencies that count them:

4 hoursis how long your fridge keeps food safe without power. A full freezer: about 48.FoodSafety.gov / USDA

30 minutesto frostbite on bare skin at 0°F with a 15 mph wind.National Weather Service, weather.gov

41%of deadly home heating fires come from portable space heaters, though they cause only 3% of heating fires.U.S. Fire Administration, usfa.fema.gov

400+Americans die every year from carbon monoxide poisoning not linked to fires. It has no smell and no color.CDC, cdc.gov/carbon-monoxide

What's inside

Before the Cold Comes. The three warnings, drafts, the CO alarm that matters most, the yearly checkup, help with the heating bill, the car kit.
Keeping the Pipes Alive. Which pipes freeze first, the spigot trick, cheap wrapping, the drip, and how to thaw a pipe without burning the house down.
Heat Without Fire or Poison. The three-foot rule, space heaters, why the oven is not a furnace, generators, charcoal and camp stoves, and what CO poisoning feels like.
Keeping Your Own Body Warm. Layers, the wind, hypothermia above freezing, the early signs, warming the middle first, frostbite, and the shovel.
When the Power Goes Out. The list of what needs electricity, medicine, the fridge and freezer clock, the 40-degree rule, what you can keep, refreezing, surges, warming centers.
Water and The Pantry That Gets You Through.
From the Stories: What's Real. A couple of things from my stories that hold up in real life, with their sources.
Pantry Suppers. Ten simple meals from the shelf, four of them with no cooking at all.
Five printable pages at the back: the One-Saturday checklist, the Winter Pantry list and the Winter Ledger (emergency numbers, medicines, where the water shutoff is, who checks on whom).

Here and there you'll meet Walter, Hettie, Brewster and Missus Peaches. They're characters from my stories. They tell the jokes. The sources do the advising.

Pick your copy

Read aloud by me

Handbook + Audiobook

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The 46-page large-print PDF
The whole book read aloud by me: about 32 minutes, 11 MP3 tracks, one per chapter, plus one complete file
The five printable pages

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Large-print PDF

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The 46-page large-print PDF, 38 fixes, 79 quotes from official sources
The five printable pages

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One payment, no subscription. Checkout is handled by Gumroad, the store a lot of independent writers and artists use. You pay with your card, and the download link shows on the screen right away and comes to your email too. If anything goes wrong, write to me at diegogamezera@gmail.com.

Who wrote this

Captain Don Diego is the name I've gone by for years. On the Fictional Reimagined channel I tell long stories about castaways, mechanics, widows and dragons, and the old captain telling them is the role I play there. The stories are made up.

But after every story, your letters came in. How did she keep water? How did Hettie save the pipes that winter? And then you'd tell me about your own hard winters. So I wrote down what actually works, and I didn't trust my own memory for any of it. Every fix has the official source printed right under it, word for word, so you never have to take an old captain's word for anything.

The stories are invented. The methods are not.

Questions folks ask

Is this a printed book?

It's a PDF you download right after you buy. Read it on your phone, tablet or computer, or print it at home or at the library. It's set in large print on purpose.

How does the audiobook work?

It's a set of MP3 files on the same download page as the PDF: one per chapter, and one with the whole book. They play on any phone, tablet or computer. Tap play right there, or download them.

What's Gumroad? Is it safe?

Gumroad is the online store that takes the payment and delivers the files for me. Your card goes to them, not to me, and they email you the receipt and the download link. Questions about an order can come straight to diegogamezera@gmail.com.

I'm not handy. Is this for me?

Yes. Most fixes take a towel, a roll of tape, a jug of water or a phone call. Anything that needs a professional, the book tells you so.

Does it work where I live?

It's written for American homes facing winter cold and power outages, from the national guidance of the Red Cross, CDC, Ready.gov, the Weather Service, the Fire Administration and the USDA. Always follow your local officials first.

Is this medical advice?

No. It's general safety information from public sources. In an emergency, call 911, and follow your doctor about medicines.

Is the Captain a real captain?

Captain Don Diego is the pen name I've used for years, and the stories on the channel are fiction. The safety methods in this book are real, and each one is sourced.

What if it's not for me?

Write to diegogamezera@gmail.com within 30 days and you get your money back.

Read it once when the weather's nice

Then keep it in the kitchen drawer with the flashlight. The night you need it, you'll be glad it's there.

Get the Handbook + Audiobook · $19.90
or just the PDF, $9.90

Instant downloadLarge print30-day money-back guarantee

P.S. If you only do one thing this winter, put a battery carbon monoxide alarm near every bed. That one's free advice, and it's the first fix in the book.